Slow and Progressive moves

Sometimes we tend to get overwhelmed by the knowledge and things we experience around us until we forgot about learning from other beings. The being I am referring to here, is other living beings besides human.

I was watching this movie titled "My Dog Skip", well it's almost 3 quarters done, and I realized myself weeping.

Narrator: "Old Skip had helped me through the struggles of boyhood. But his job was far from done. I almost lost old Skip that day. Even as he was sleeping on the operating table, he was still teaching me. That day, I became a young man. Why, in childhood and youth, we wish time to pass so quickly. We want to grow up so fast. Yet, as adults, we wish just the opposite. I received a trans-atlantic call one day. "Skip died", Daddy said. He and my mama wrapped him in my baseball jacket. They buried him out under the elm tree, they said. That wasn't totally true. For he really lay buried in my heart. "

We learn when we pay attention to things. We learn when we respect other beings, as if they are talking straight in our face saying, "hey you, listen. Don't you just presume and think you know everything".

My weeps were not just for the lines I heard that day, but also for an old woman that we all have loved and who'd taught me so much during her last days.

It has been almost four months she left me, but just like the narrator said, although I buried her right beside my house, but she is indeed lay buried in my heart.

I learn that love for beings live in the heart of patience and tolerance as well as understanding. And knowing too that slow and consistent progress is actually the key to reaching beauty - the true beauty of life.

Capturing the moment of truth

A couple of weeks ago, I was with him at this photo-shooting session somewhere near International Airport. I wasn't a part of the activity that day, so I was wandering around having my own fun with his camera while he's guiding a group of people participated that activity.

I know very very little about photography although I do enjoy making pictures in my eyes and my head come visible in that snapshot. He encourages me to explore, using my heart to see things while learning the skills and technical knowledge bit by bit.

All others were flashing lights over their model that day, whereas I kept quiet and feel the surrounding with heart and listen to the breeze around me.

And then I see this, the moment of being one self, naturally.......



Honestly, I like it.

Cooking

There are altogether 3 librans in our house - me, my younger brother & my youngest brother. One very commonly known character for a libran is they are very extrovert, love having fun with many friends and don't fancy much staying home.

My younger brother is a big libran - both in terms of his size and also lifestyle. He'd have nightlife hanging out with friends for drinks and clubbing till 3 in the morning.

The youngest one is a big part of libran - not in size but good at socializing with just about anyone he encounters.

However, as for myself, I think I'm the lamest one. I can get along with people/stranger, but I am not good at it. I do have fun activities at times, but more often I prefer laying back at home doing reading and/or blog writing.

Anyway, we three do have one thing in common - we like to dine together, very much because we love cooking, so we need stomach to help us finish the dishes. Honestly speaking, I am still not the good cook as my two brothers, but I like to retain the traditional tastes of my grandma's cookings and so I am in charge of preserving the memories (and they can't beat me on this because they are more towards EXPLORATION and EXPERIMENTAL on trying new recipes, their own creation).

My belief is to make trying-new-things expedition with the consistent growth of mastering the traditional and original.

Am I being too conservative?Well, tell me when you've tried my Jew-Hoo-Char, Curry Chicken, and Bak-Nkee.

There are always points of ponder

Let's do some reading before I continue.

The story goes like this:

Older Version - The ANT works hard in the withering heat all summer building house and laying up supplies for the winter. The GRASSHOPPER thinks the ANT is a fool and laughs & dance & plays the summer away. Come winter, the ANT is warm and well fed whereas the GRASSHOPPER has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.

(I bet everyone's familiar with this story. Let's move on to the new version)

Modern Version - The ANT works hard in the withering heat all summer building house and laying up supplies for the winter. The GRASSHOPPER thinks the ANT's a fool and laughs & dance & plays the summer away.

(here comes the interesting part)

Come winter, the shivering GRASSHOPPER calls a press conference and demands to know why the ANT should be allowed to be warm and well fed while the GRASSHOPPERS are cold and starving. The medias show up to provide pictures of the poor GRASSHOPPER next to a video of the ANT in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. The majority of the Parliament stunned by the sharp contrast.

"How can this be happening? How can the poor GRASSHOPPER be allowed to suffer?"

Mr. Kairee stages a demonstration in front of the ANT's house; Naziri goes on a fast along with the other GRASSHOPPERS demanding that GRASSHOPPERS be relocated to warmer climates during winter. Most of the other GRASSHOPPERS' relatives ctitizise the government for not upholding the fundametal rights of the GRASSHOPPER. The local newspapers and the Internet are flooded with online petitions seeking support to the GRASSHOPPER (many promising Heaven and Everlasting Peace for prompt support as against the wrath of God for non-compliance).

Since complains and voices are everywhere, the Deputy Prime Minister immediately passes a law preventing ANTS from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty amongst ANTS and GRASSHOPPERS. Hisapmudin makes "more special reservation" for GRASSHOPPERS in Educational Institutions & in Govornment Services to help preserve GRASSHOPPERS competitive.

The ANT's, however, fined for failing to comply with 30% sharing and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes. Its home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the GRASSHOPPER in a ceremony covered by Majoo xxx. Prime Minister announces to the whole country that this is part of the NEP and all have to respect, no question ask and to follow without choice.


........many years later.........

The ANT has since migrated to the great land of freedom and set up a multi-million dollar company, while many GRASSHOPPERS still end up dieing of starvation despite reservation somewhere on the land where their rights are well protected because of losing lot of hardworking ANTS and also because of still continue in feeding the GRASSHOPPERS with all the resources the Government can give, the land remain a developing country.

ALL BECAUSE THE ANTS ARE STILL DOING THEIR WORK...hmmphh!


========

Pathetic? What have you learned from this? I easily find this smile on my face and in my heart after reading this story. I must salute to this group of living for always having a good reason to be what they are good at and always having very great blame on things.

Aren't we all equally given the same amount of time? :)

Dharma & Nirvana

At some point, this topic actually came into my mind and I had a serious thought about it. Obviously I am still working on my task everyday, and bit by bit I realize: the big picture about accomplishing a life's duty or mission is something very clear and firm yet seem rather vague if to be put into words.

So perhaps the understanding about teachings isn't really so much about knowing what it's all about. The closest about understanding what it is all about that I can express using words is: life of no specifically stated value.

When there's no good there'll be no bad. But how to reach no bad or no good, shall I say "let valuation go and do what you can to make this world a better place"?

Share with me your thoughts~!

The Length, Width and Depth

I am once again given the opportunity to think about life, when I heard my aunt was dying of 3rd stage cancer. She has never been close to the family, probably because she finds herself distant after so many years of living away from home, after she's sent away adopted by other family. Grandma said the family was too poor to support, but I think the one being given up would cry inside, "why me? Do you not love me anymore?"

I do not know much and I can't explain because that's the earlier generation's situation, which I can't compare and comprehend with my time.

I was at her place when I attended my college life. She offered a place to stay and so both me and my brother moved in. It was only a semester and I've moved to another relative's place (the never ending moving life that I had since 7). I get to know this aunt pretty much when I was at her place. Probably because I am a girl and people always claim girls to be more close to heart than boys, I get to listen to her. She shared her pain and her heart showing how much she wanted and how hard she worked to complete the broken part of her life by really striving her best to build a loving family. But things just didn't really happen as she'd hoped for. Hurdles and obstacles keep coming up and she's slowly fading even she tried so hard to pull them together.

I do not know how to describe precisely what kind of impression and lesson has her life taught me, but I think the most important thing is:

We cannot determine how long we live, but we can decide how we want to live through it and making sure we learn every step of the way.

It is her funeral today.

I hope she'd lived through the one that given her many precious lessons and so to move on to a better one.

Thank you Aunt Gladysce, for sharing your life with me. Although I was rather young during then, but all the things that you've shared will remain to be valuable wisdom throughout my life.

May you rest in peace.


A Tribute to: Aunt Gladysce, 1960-2008

Wantan Mee

It's the 16th of the month for Chinese calendar and our house have roasted chicken, roasted duck and also roasted pork because we pray TaiSuYa (God of the ghosts, for the 7th month of Chinese Calendar). We tend to have these 3 meats every 2nd and 16th of the month so I am thinking of something different to eat for lunch than always take meat+rice only.

We need veges - CHECKED.
We need something more interesting than only rice - CHECKED.
We must still eat those meat - CHECKED.

Wantan Mee + YaoMak + Roasted Pork + Roasted Chicken Drumstink + Wantan

Anyone?

Medical Report

I was having a conversation with an acquaintance from my last trip to Daen Mahamongkol. He's a CFP and he told me that nowadays about 80% of Malaysian-Chinese populations are covered by insurance (compare to 600% in Japan, wow).

That triggered the thought in me about the medical insurance that I (finally) signed up about a year ago.

I'm kinda slow in making this effort, I know.

Anyway, the procedure of signing a policy is always medical reports and doctor's report and bla bla bla so I of course need my doctor to help me with that.

Ok here comes the beginning of the ongoing application procedure thingy, which means I am still not covered by the insurance company after a year of application - the report from my doctor.

He wrote in my report saying that he's discovered I have some nodules around my thyroid and I'm advised to remove them (or I've removed them according to his advice). I went to another doctor, who's a surgeon, for another advice and I was actually given the option to remove the nodules up to my preference because my T3 and T4 level are normal and the nodules aren't toxic. So the surgeon said, "If you want me to have your spare money, of course I'll be very glad to receive them. After all this is a very simple and easy operation where I've done so many times. Otherwise just leave it" (what a nice doctor).

So I of course decided not to lay on that operation bed!

I went back to my doctor about the test results and he agreed to that advice too except he still prefer I to remove those nodules since they are near my trachea and they may affect breathing if they ever grow bigger.

My agent came to ask me if I've went through any surgery removing the nodules and I said no. Now see the conflict here? DOC SAY YES (in here earlier report) I DID REMOVE BUT THE POLICY HOLDER (which happens to be me, in the case) SAY NEVER.

Who to believe? And so the insurance company suspected that I am hiding some truth and decided to pass my policy without covering anything related to my thyroid that matters.

But the point is: how can I admit if I have never done any operation?

The agent then ask me to get that surgeon to write a report to verify. And I finally got my report yesterday.

It says I am not suffering from either Hyperthyroidism or Hypothyroidism.

SO AM I FIT FOR THE COVERAGE? hmmpppphhh.... so troublesome!

REPETITION

I think we all been through all sorts of lessons. But what really matter here is: have we learned it? I come to realize that things actually repeat itself from time to time and the scenario keeps looping itself in order for us to be aware of its existence, which I believe means something need our attention.

A friend of mine told me she'd came across the very same problem all through her relationship - THE MOM OF THE BOY SHE'S DATING DOESN'T LIKE HER.

Reasons vary, it ranges from "you are too smart for him", "you're too dumb for him" (excuse me?), or even "you love not him but his money" (this is pathetic!), but all lead to the same conclusion - YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BE WITH MY SON (at least not while you're still breathing, I suppose).

Wow!

Only god knows what these mothers actually thinking. C'mon, I mean is it a crime to be smart (for as long as the intelligence isn't used against your son)? Or is it forbidden to be even not as smart as your son (hello, you are actually humiliating and/or despising people ler)? Love his money? Ya right, tell me how many gold mine does he own since you think it that way (you are just being typically cynical).

So I told this friend, "perhaps you should really look into the matter".

"Like how?"

"That's for you to find out if you want to make all these unreasonable mommy thing to go away. "

SLOWLY

Sometimes we get anxious about things pretty easily, especially it is something very interesting, e.g. fall in love. Oh c'mon who doesn't like to feel loved and having someone to lean on? Well the thing is one may feel a little withdrawn (although excited) if one has grown mushrooms for quite some time or just done experiencing a bad relationship.

Sometimes it even could be accepting the relationship too soon (The brain and the heart just not synchronized? YA, WHY NOT?). It feels very much like opening the "snake nut can" or "snake potato chips can" or "snake candy can" (whatever you call it for as long as it fits the concept of "sudden shock" when you open it, that'll do). And the person will go into sudden blank state of mind then followed with a full head of "I can't bear with it" thoughts.

This happens due to an inner reflection: eh, you've put your head ahead of your heart ler. And the heart is actually going through some kind of talk with the head (some kind of negotiation huh).

I call it the phase of transition. Pardon me coz I am a SNAKE and I do go through ecdysis, psstt... psstt...(the snake tongue thingy) - to tear down the old in order to put on the new one.

And this period is giving us the time and space to make adjustment. We'll be surprised how our brain actually build this self-defense mechanism by changing our hormones and thinking. And we'd amazed how the heart is actually preparing us by making the effort to shift that room in it to let this person fit in.

Whatever it is, this phase needs time and patience. Take a little time to talk to ourselves while going through this beautiful thing. Don't get scared away or hold back (unless that's not the right person).

Breathe, Remember?

Relax, you'll be fine.

Moving On

There's a saying "if you are standing on top of one hill looking at another hilltop and finding that place beautiful, the first and most important thing to do is to walk down from the one that you're setting your feet on".

This is very inspiring.

Often in our lives we wanted so many things, keen for different goals and achievements hoping to become really successful in all way round. But what have we got? We might have gained a little bit here and there, accumulating some kind of experience but we're never close to anything about being really good at anything. And then to realize: oh, well, guess I'll wait another life to do that.

Unless one is ok for being very fancy and not really aiming at mastering, otherwise concentration and focus is the key to achieving successful. Leave all the distractions behind. Look closely at the target and work on it. Don't regret because you just never know how far your potential is pushing you to.

I'm indeed feeling this flame inside me~

The Day of History

I am definitely not the politic person, but I do care about things and issues.

First it was May 08, 2008. Malaysia's election showed a new era - 4 previously BARISAN NASIONAL states were taken over by opposition party. Well I must say it is pretty impressive that people does know how to show their interest and faith as well as confidence in changing the old and faded look with that vote in hand. The country has been independent from British Colonial for 51 years and had never been into such phase of change. The state I am residing now is one of the daring states.

Then, it is today November 05, 2008 (well, to be precise it's 4th Nov 2008 in the States). Barack Obama won the Presidential election. For the first time in history, the race issue has break the barrier and the people of United States show the world - WE HAVE MARCHED OUT FROM THE OLD DAYS AND FACING THE NEW ERA!

I have never been to the States before, but the stories about how that country went through everything are definitely no stranger to anyone. I might not really understand how the Americans see their country and what's the face of the world in their eyes. But I do know that deep down inside, we all are the same - Every single person has their right to show their heart. And everyone knows: together we can make a difference.

The new day has come. Show the love and faith and hold one another's hands - we are the new world, a world without racism but only unity!

CONGRATULATIONS to all of the Americans, you've shown how big your ambition, tolerance, understanding and most of all, your heart!

Waiting

Attended a ex-collegemate's wedding dinner yesterday. They've been together since high school and she's even 2 years older than me. Guess how many years they've spent together before this big day? 15 years. I asked one of other ex-collegemate (who's one year younger than me) who attended the dinner with her husband and her 17-months old twins, "how long have you been together till today since you both met?"

I watched Ghost Whisperer after came back from the event. Coincedentally both Mel and Jim were on the similar topic, except they were talking about "having a baby". Mel said she's not ready to have a baby of her own, giving the excuse that she's still young and have plenty of time for that. Rick and his late wife Katie once stuck on the same matter too, until Katie crashed in an accident one day and all the "plenty of time" become none at once.

How long have I spent with him until today? What are we waiting to get married and to have our kids? We aren't waiting though, we are planning and moving accordingly. We aren't delaying anything, rather taking steady steps towards the goal.

Isn't life a never ending journey of exploration and realization? No rush and no delay. Baby steps are important, never take things for granted.

Caption: Waiting
(photo taken with my old mobile phone while waiting for him to pick me up at the hotel lobby)