Forgiveness

I was having a bad headache due to the extreme hot weather yesterday. As soon as my dad is done with the healing, he reminded me to contact his uncle (which I call uncle too) for the change of venue for the wedding ceremony. With that as the topic, I asked him softly, "he's your uncle but you never treated him as one. Why?"

And so he told me about the story, which happened way before I was born.

This is my dad's version-
My dad used to be his uncle's assistant. He'd helped him with the letter typing works while maintaining teaching tuition as his main job and get paid accordingly. One day my dad realized some commission which his uncle claimed have not arrived was actually received and recorded. He felt cheated as his uncle always tell him he has yet to receive the payment. As his uncle walked through the door and noticed my dad was actually looking into his documents' cabinet, he asked my dad, "why did you simply open my cabinet?" My dad answered, "because I need to find some information for the letter I'm working on." His uncle continued, "you can always do that when I come back, and not simply open the cabinet without my permission."

Dad got angry and replied, "is it because of the privacy, or is it because you have something to hide from me, such as the payment that you claimed you have not received?" His uncle also got angry and shouted back, "I'm your uncle, it's even my choice and authority if I refuse to pay you!"

And so with that bad temper of both running into the middle of the scene, the conversation broke down and my dad walked away by saying, "We're done here. I will not work for you anymore." He went back to his tuition work from then on but little did he know that his uncle was still angry with him. So when some customers asked about my dad when they saw his uncle instead, he will say with anger, "he thinks he's old enough to be on his own, quited from my place and got independent!"

As some customers met my dad and repeated, "I heard that you're doing your own business now! That's good, can you find this offer for me? It should not exceed this amount." My dad was pretty upset about the treatment he got from his uncle and so he tried.

As a result, he got the deal with a better price and his uncle got even angrier claiming this niece has stolen his customers. As he walked the house's door, he complained to my grandmother and my god-grandmother that my dad tried to hit him in the public. My dad got home later, knowing that his uncle was actually telling a lie he asked his uncle, "was it me trying to hit you or you trying to do that instead?" His uncle got offended and grabbed a hockey stick by his side and swinged it at my dad. My dad blocked that whack with a stool. The stool was broken and my dad holding two of its leg pointing at his uncle's ribs and said, "You're done today. We are done from now on!"

And so they never talk to each other since then until today. However, he's agreed to invite his uncle to my wedding and said to me, "I will never allow that if I am still holding grudge against him."

My dad may no longer be hating his uncle for what he has done, but does that mean he has forgiven him?

And I told my dad, "the scene that you mentioned just now reminded me of something - you've done something similar to your uncle too. You were holding a mop stick instead of a hockey stick and you swinged the stick too like your uncle did. The difference was: you blocked the hit from your uncle with a stool, whereas the one hitted by you never fought back, not even run away from you. The person that you hitted with a mop stick and that piece of wood immediately broke into two is me."

He asked with denial, "when have I ever hitted you with a stick?"

I told him the incident and apparently he can't remember a thing about it.

So I said to my dad, "one thing that grandma kept repeating while she's alive was: patience. One without patience will always end up doing things that are hurtful to others and things that the person might probably regret later."

When anger hits, we're blind. We all know we can never be avoided from making mistakes but we can make a habit to constantly monitor and be aware of our thought and action. And when we moved on from the past, forgiveness is very important to us.

Only by forgiving ourselves and also others we can really move on.

Hiccups!

We always plan our lives to the best we can - good life, good people, good thing etc. However we all know no ship sails without meeting storm.

So we go through life experiencing ups and downs, smooth and hiccups.

Yes, just like when we have our "hic!" between breaths some time. It feels like choking us by surprise, and leave us feel rather awkward somehow (especially we are in the public). And all we can do is to find an immediate way to get over it.

It is the same like we facing challenges in life. It is a very natural thing, yet it plays an important role to remind us about finding the solution instead of feeling frustration about it.

But why does hiccup have to happen at all? Perhaps we need to be constantly reminded of two things: do not take life for granted, and to improve ourselves in every way we can so that to prepare for the unexpected.

It is said that only true obstacles is precious treasure - all we need is a positive attitude, and a little more of courage to face and conquer everything that stand in the way.

What Say Life?

Without knowing the reason, the server which host the background image of this blog got my page lost. Suddenly there's no blue sky and no coffee to read my writing.

Left only a clean white blank page, with the message: IMAGE NOT FOUND.

Has life been pale lately? Or things have just got it overwhelmed by demands and pressures so I just lost track of time, space and the break I should have for myself.

I don't know how to explain or describe the feeling inside. But I do know, I am feeling like a mouse following the maze.

I am not lost, just too focus on going on the track and got everything else left behind, including the connection with love ones.

I feel sorry, for the lost of touch in between the gap, especially to the one I love...

Front of the Class

Just when I thought I had quite a lesson the other day, I saw something gives me even more contemplation - a movie from Hallmark.

I wasn't expecting anything.

It was yesterday morning, when I saw a movie titled "Front of the Class".

While I was talking about effort in my previous post, I realize this movie has given me more message, much like a intended and purposely arranged advice.

I will keep the talking to my next post. Mean time, take a little time to watch this movie.

Front of the Class - Part 1


Front of the Class - Part 2


Front of the Class - Part 3


Front of the Class - Part 4


Front of the Class - Part 5


Front of the Class - Part 6


Front of the Class - Part 7


Front of the Class - Part 8


Front of the Class - Part 9


Front of the Class - Part 10


Watch, and we will talk about it later.

I had a Good Lesson last night

I always believe in the purity of heart. And it has over and over again showed me the real potential when heart, mind and soul are align.

We went up to one of the higher grounds in Sungai Ara yesterday evening. I followed my instinct and showed Joie the direction to the spot and we walked a bit in the vicinity. It was a cozy evening and I almost could feel a gentle pat on my shoulder when I stood there with my eyes closed enjoying the breeze.

It was very comforting.

As we came down from the hill and driving back, some thoughts took place which later I found it very profoundly impacting me.

Here is a bit of the transcripted detail of it:
What was the feeling back then? Wasn't so sure about it.

Felt anything? Yes, and maybe no. Perhaps feelings would have been different if nothing was mentioned prior to that. Maybe it was just imagination. So wasn't too sure about feelings though.

Perhaps should relax and believe the feelings, as they come and go. Tried. But nothing obvious seem convincing.

From what read in the comic books about the story how a secret skill is being taught amongst the students, which of the following will be the successful person? Ones without talent and not hardworking; ones without talent and work only whenver feel like working; ones without talent but work as hard as possible; ones with talent and not hardworking; ones with talent and work only whenever feel like working; ones with talent and work as hard as possible?" Or use dancing as the example instead. Which one of the students can become a good dancer and good choreographer? It'd be one with talent and work as hard as possible, followed by one without talent but work as hard as possible.

So with or without talent, effort (including hardwork and realization) is the key.

One can master the foundation, the steps and the skills by being taught and repetitive exercise, like a ordinary responsible dancer. But one can only become the master when one allows the mind, body, and heart to seize the true spirit of one thing. That is the insight and the true nature of thing, to become a true dancer that can touch people when their spirit is endowed into the piece they do, and eventually become a good choreographer who can successfully pass on the idea to the dancers and audience.

If one's effort is being poured into the process of mastering something, how often does one need for revision? It's like we eat, drink, rest and workout, do we need to constantly doing it everyday so that we get replenish accordingly or we can simply do it only once in a while and expect it to work effectively without fail?


It is like the animals gathering food in their store for the sake of surviving the winter, we need to accumulate our effort bit by bit so that we can have it when we need it. It suddenly reminds me about the story of grasshopper and the ant that we all have heard when we were very young.

Æsop. (Sixth century B.C.) Fables.
The Harvard Classics. 1909–14.

The Ant and the Grasshopper

IN a field one summer’s day a Grasshopper was hopping about, chirping and singing to its heart’s content. An Ant passed by, bearing along with great toil an ear of corn he was taking to the nest.

“Why not come and chat with me,” said the Grasshopper, “instead of toiling and moiling in that way?”

“I am helping to lay up food for the winter,” said the Ant, “and recommend you to do the same.”

“Why bother about winter?” said the Grasshopper; “we have got plenty of food at present.” But the Ant went on its way and continued its toil. When the winter came the Grasshopper had no food, and found itself dying of hunger, while it saw the ants distributing every day corn and grain from the stores they had collected in the summer. Then the Grasshopper knew:

“IT IS BEST TO PREPARE FOR THE DAYS OF NECESSITY.”

(source: The Ant and The Grasshopper)

"Don't Worry" she said

It is this afternoon that I went to see Aunty PohChoo when Anna told me her mom had a fall at home last night and would like to have me seeing her to examine if she's hurt in any hidden way - sprain etc.

Joie and I went to the office and she was lying in the reclining sofa resting. After checking I found she wasn't having any serious injury except some muscle shock and that can easily be fixed. So I took some time to help her with the pains and she is all fine to go out for lunch. 3 in the afternoon and they're yet to take their lunch (guess this is Asian/Malaysian style).

Just right before we went out, I walked up to Boddhisattva Avalokitesvara to pay respect. Even before I start to say any prayer I heard her telling me "don't worry".

I was a little shock because I haven't really said anything.

Anyway I wanted to seek her help to finding our house and I am so worried that we may not be having sufficient resources to get things done as it left only less than 2 months before our wedding.

So I prayed to her about my worries and I hear "you'll be fine".

Have faith I guess she is telling me. It reminds me about the experience of the trip I had to Daen Mahamongkol years ago.

Trust.

A House A Home

I can still recall when we were very very young attending our kindy when the teacher give us some crayons and ask us to draw a house.

It is always a red roofed small house with a chimney, 2 windows (sometimes with curtain) and a door. And then the picture is always accompanied by a sun, a few birds, tree, green grass and flower.

We all lived in a simple yet beautiful world. This little place that give us the warmth and comfort as well as safe feeling is still it's original little face in our heart.

We are about to have a place of our own, except we have not really found the right one yet.

So when will it come, my little cozy home?

Let the World End

Last night the cinema was crowded by people. Everyone came for a common reason - to see the world fall apart.

The best thing about cinema is the viewer/audience get to enjoy the effects, including sound and computer, of a big blockbuster.

Is the movie good? Nyeh....so so only.

We can't expect much. It has given us a lot. All the big disastrous scenes and the cheap emotion boosters - love, relationship, death.

Anything that you can think of.

The drawback is: the story is always the same old style.

So, no surprise.

Anyway, talk about the world coming to an end. I must admit the movie did give me a very helpless feeling. We can't do much about it. Not through our environmental awareness, neither by using shopping bag and not plastic bags. When the wave hit, astalla-vista babe.

Come to think of it: everything ends some way and some day. But knowing this mayan prophecy might probably come true not only in my lifetime but is actually 3 years ahead is definitely something.

That's why I am telling myself and practicing it everyday: live like you are going to die tomorrow, learn like you are living since today. Still do every bit I can to save the planet and cherish every way I can about this life of mine.

In case 2012 really bring the world to the end, please remember one thing: I thank you for being in my life in one way or another.

What is it that we have to keep on going?

I talked about perseverance before in my previous entry.

But somehow I thought it isn't all that it takes to go on. Because persevere through ups and downs, yes - it means not giving up easily. But it isn't enough.

Joie and I went to one housing development site yesterday and we sat in the showing unit feeling the mood of owning a house of our own and the ambient of the place.

The very first feeling that came to us was: very comfortable.

And we start to thought to ourselves, "what does it take and how as well as when will we own a place like this?" And the thinking went on and on. We discussed about the qualities that we have inside us versus the things we're going through.

I told Joie, "last time I thought the key to be successful is intelligence, as I thought one can hardly go far without intelligence; then I realized it is connection instead because one with good network is better than having the brain; lately I come to understand that response is the core."

We might have the brain to think but we must too need a good spread of web to cover whatever is needed and most of all is the ability to respond accordingly without hesitance so that every incident and issue can be handled properly.

And I think it is like a progress as it grows only when we learn accordingly.

Seeing the Sign and Believing in it

I am still feeling pretty lost about our house.

I mean there is still no sign of it and the date is getting nearer and nearer.

Have I surrender my fear? Yes I have.

Have I open myself to receiving? Yes I have.

Do I have the faith that it will be delivered to me? Err.... ya, but it is slowly getting thin.

And so I browse through my mailbox to read through the messages. And I saw this one:


Uncharted Territory
Feeling Lost

When we are lost, we typically look at a map to figure out where we are and how to get to our chosen destination. This works well, assuming that there is a map of the territory in which we find ourselves, and assuming that we know our destination. However, this is not always the case. At this time in human history, we are all venturing into uncharted territory, whether we know it or not. And as individuals, we may find ourselves covering ground that our predecessors never even knew existed. When we look to them for guidance, they often come up short. Not knowing exactly where we are, we find ourselves unsure of which way to go, and eventually the uneasy feeling that we are lost presents itself.

The beauty of being lost is the same thing that makes it scary—it asks us to look within ourselves to find the way. If we have no map, we must go on instinct, relying on our inner compass to show us which way to go. This can be scary because so much seems to be riding on it. We fear we might go too far in the wrong direction, or become paralyzed and make no progress at all. And yet, this is the very challenge we need to develop our ability to trust ourselves. We are also learning to trust that the universe will support and guide us. We may believe this intellectually, but it is only through experience that it becomes knowledge of the heart. Learning to be okay with being lost and trusting that we will be guided, we begin our journey.

We can support ourselves by confirming that we don’t need to know exactly where we are going in order to take our first steps. We are learning to feel our own way, rather than following an established path, and in doing so we learn to trust ourselves. It is this trust that connects us to the universe and reminds us that no matter how lost we feel, and even as we journey, on the inner level we are already home.

And then I got this card as advice:


Abundance.

Yes, abundance.

And please, I really need it.

Life is Short

Last Sunday was rather unforgettable.

We had a portrait shooting with 4 young girls who wanted to document their graduation year with some pretty pictures. And so we went to botanical garden for outdoor pictures and studio for indoor's. Just when we completed the day after having late lunch at Georgetown Coffee and they headed back home in Bukit Mertajam, something actually happened simultaneously, which we only get to know the following day.

There were 3 TAR college students who went to the waterfall in Perak to have fun were flushed away by the sudden rushing water and bodies where found later. One of them was the boyfriend of one of the young girls we took photos.

19 years old and the journey ended.

She collapsed.

While there isn't much we could do as too much of concern and console are making the weight even more unbearable, I left a few words for her on her Facebook -

The reason life can be a place/platform for us to learn is because it is filled with uncertainties. We in each and every one of us have our true feelings hidden deep down in our heart. It is something we can never describe but to face and confront it truthfully. Shedding tears allow it to express itself without a single word but what matters is to embrace the days before it as we are done crying. Release the true feelings, and refill it with new strength. Really, life is not about it's length.

Death always give me a true impact about seeing this very fragile and uncertain thing called "LIFE". Like my brother said, "we just never know what comes next - death or tomorrow."

This journey is one hell of a trip that is filled with many beauties, including saperation, as it reminds us to cherish whatever we are having here and now.

Love yourself, love your life, and love the people around you for you never know if you ever see this world again the next sunrise.

Do not waste even a second to hate anyone or anything for life itself it big enough for you to explore and appreciate the depth of it.

The Corrupted System

I like the idea.

The world is a place where good and evil reside. Likewise to everyone's heart. Everything in this world is seen in different eyes and being defined differently.

So what is truth? Or rather, what does it mean and serve? Where does it stand?

I told Joie and Cindy, "If I am the writer, I will not let Clyde die". But because this is a commercial movie that must be "bad guy" to the sentence he deserve after what he'd done, so I can't complain about it's ending.

If I were the writer, the court will drop the charges and release Clyde and Nick will either continue his role in the jurisdiction but becomes good friend with Clyde, or quit his job.

To me, it is obvious enough that the movie isn't about either one of them. They are the ones involved somehow because of some incident happened.

The system needs to be corrected for the sake of the people and truth.

Otherwise, I really have to say I am on Clyde's side, although I don't agree with his way of dealing with the loophole of the corrupted system.

Awareness

I constantly reminding myself that it is important to watch myself every step of the way.

It's called "awareness", being present at where I am.

And honestly I see the effect and impact of the baby steps.

Growing Day by Day
Becoming a Better Person

At some point in our lives, many of us find ourselves overcome with the desire to become better people. While we are all uniquely capable of navigating this world, we may nonetheless feel driven to grow, expand, and change. This innate need for personal expansion can lead us down many paths as we develop within the context of our individual lives. Yet the initial steps that can put us on the road to evolution are not always clear. We understand that we want to be better but have no clear definition of “better.” To ease this often frustrating uncertainty, we can take small steps, keeping our own concept of growth in mind rather than allowing others to direct the course of our journey. And we should accept that change won’t happen overnight—we may not recognize the transformations taking place within us at first.

Becoming a better person in your own eyes is a whole-life project, and thus you should focus your step-by-step efforts on multiple areas of your existence. Since you likely know innately which qualities you consider good, growing as an individual is simply a matter of making an effort to do good whenever possible. Respect should be a key element of your efforts. When you acknowledge that all people are deserving of compassion, consideration, and dignity, you are naturally more apt to treat them in the manner you yourself wish to be treated. You will intuitively become a more active listener, universally helpful, and truthful. Going the extra mile in all you do can also facilitate evolution. Approaching your everyday duties with an upbeat attitude and positive expectations can help you make the world a brighter, more cheerful place. Finally, coming to terms with your values and then abiding by them will enable you to introduce a new degree of integrity and dignity into your life.

As you endeavor to develop yourself further, you can take pride not only in your successes, but also in the fact that you are cultivating consciousness within yourself through your choices, actions, and behaviors. While you may never feel you have reached the pinnacles of awareness you hope to achieve, you can make the most of this creative process of transformation. Becoming a better person is your choice and is a natural progression in your journey of self-awareness.

The Clock Is Ticking

It's getting nearer and nearer yet our plan is still hanging in the air. It reminds me about the trip to Daen Mahamongkol that I had a few years ago. I know what needs to be done and what is coming but nothing showed up and no sign of presence or whatsoever even the date is round the corner.

I need to have faith.

Belief is a very strange thing.

It is like the magic wand that draws just about anything to come true.

There are times when I pause to wonder "what's beneath this whole thing?"

But I guess it is all because of the mysterious TIMING. And perhaps it is all about preparing to receive. Very much like this article that I read this morning...

Exploring Our Readiness
In-Between Times

It could be argued that life is more about the time spent waiting for something to happen than it is about something happening. What this means is that the big events in our lives are preceded by many days and nights of dreaming, planning, organizing, and waiting. The times of waiting in between the big events actually constitute the majority of our lives. These in-between times are anything but uneventful. In fact, they are rich with possibility and filled with opportunities for reflection and preparation. Like a pregnant woman awaiting the birth of her child, we have a finite period of time in which to prepare internally and externally for the upcoming event that will define a new chapter in our lives.

When we find ourselves in an in-between time, we often can’t help but feel impatient for the impending event. We just want to get to the future and have the new baby, the new job, or the new house. And yet, there is a reason a pregnancy takes nine months to fulfill itself. Nature provides the expectant parents with this time so that they can prepare the nest. This preparation plays out on many levels. Materially, a space must be created in the home and resources must be set aside for the baby’s future; psychologically, a shift must occur in which the psyches of both parents agree to be responsible for a new life in the world; and emotionally, the heart must open wider to embrace and fulfill a new love.

Whenever you find yourself in such a time of waiting, you might want spend time exploring your material, psychological, and emotional readiness. For example, if you are preparing to move to a new city, you could make a list of things you’d like to do in the city you will be leaving behind, and go to your favorite places and spend time with old friends. This way, you will remain fully engaged in the present as you await your future, savoring the in-between time as a vital experience in itself.

I truthfully following this flow of life, this flow of timing...

One Year now~

Everyone knows what time flies is. I particularly feel this term so much present when we went all the way up to Penang Hill to this restaurant to have our afternoon tea and also dinner.

It's our 1st anniversary since we're registered. Well we aren't the "Anniversary" kind of person but somehow it'd be sweet at least we celebrate once. Not demanding for anything but cherishing the love and bond we have since the day we're together and also the commitment that we're going to hold on down the road.

He'd planned for this for quite some time but tight schedules were rather time consuming and I don't like it to be done in a rush. So we delay it a little just to let both of us have the space and air to enjoy our day.

The ticketing station was rather packed yesterday. We got our 5pm ticket at 3.45pm and so we decided to get a break before we got suffocated by the thin air in the waiting room. We went to Sunshine Farlim for a very nice egg tart (sorry no photo) and went back on time. Set our feet on the hill breathing the fresh cool breeze around 5.30pm and we straight away headed to our destination. I got a pretty bad headache so he helped me to sooth the pain by ordering a pot of chamomile tea. We had our English afternoon tea in a place surrounded by birds chirping and light mist. That is when we had our very delicious potato wedges.

As night fall, we moved in to the cottage and had our dinner. He ordered a Roast Lamb Rack and I had my favorite Caesar Salad and also Onion Soup. All food were great, and the ambient was even better. What I think the most beautiful is the closeness and love we share.

Life isn't about sailing through the journey without any hiccups. Rather it is a process of realizing the true meaning and purpose of sharing this journey together, whether they are ups or downs.

Seeing the connection in everything every step of the way, we are here to write this story together...

Happy Anniversary honey. Love you most, always~~

Everchanging

Some people are so afraid to change. And so consistency and stability have always been the most prioritized issue in life. Everything should go according to plan, all plans should happen according to expectation, all expectations should receive agreement according to preference, and so on.

People like this has a name: Control Freak.

Although everyone knows nothing stay the same forever but they refuse to accept it.

And so they work every bit of themselves to make sure things never get out from their grab.

It's only been less than 2 years since I decided and left my position as super-moderator the forum, and the place has got itself a pretty messy and degraded image and status.

Those who care so much for that place are rather angry with the lame management of the moderators there. These members gathered together to form a series of statements showing their distrust in these particular forum's moderators.

See to me I agree to the statement where disastrous thing happen is actually helping to clear away the unwanted waste of resources. Without demolition, there is no room for development. And acknowledging the fact of ever changing is an eternal law.

A Leader

The incident of Malaysia Chinese Association Extraordinary General Meeting held on October 10 2009 where the central delegates have voted on the following matters has brought me to think: what do we really see?

The matter to be resolved through this EGM is to decide whether:
(1) the members of the General Assembly have no confidence in the leadership of the current president of MCA Datuk Seri Ong Tee Keat.
(2) the decision of the Presidential Council of august 26 2009 (accepting the recommendation of the disciplinary board) and the subsequent decision of the central committee (if any) to expel or suspend Datuk Seri Chua Soi Lek from membership of the MCA is hereby annulled.
(3) following from the passage of resolution (2) above that Datuk Seri Chua Soi Lek be rightfully restored to the position of deputy president of the MCA.

And the results showed that more than half of central delegates:
(1) no longer have faith in the leadership of current president
(2) decided not to expel or suspend Datuk Seri Ong's sacked deputy Datuk Seri Chua Soi Lek (one involved in sensational sex scandal whereby the recorded scene of him and his female personal friend was circulated online and in the market)
(3) decided that Datuk Seri Chua can never be restored to the position of deputy prisident of the MCA.

What happen to the vision and mission in uniting the fellow Chinese-Malaysian towards a better and bright future? What about working as a team in taking the welfare of the people than individual(self) interest? Where has the one with a good leadership qualities gone?

It is heart-aching to see how individualism has penetrated the union. Taking "caring the people" to rationalize the selfish idea of fulfilling own desire. drive, an objective or mission. And so we see how a team is breaking apart and everything just collapse accordingly. It is painful to see everything that mattered has vanished and being taken over by some overstated cause and people are fooled and ruled by these individualistic morons.

One with tunnel vision, small heart and no love can never prevail no matter how. One may use wickedness and tactics to satisfy short-term interest and greed but there will be no respect from the people.

There is a Chinese saying which means so much for all leaders: 先天下之憂而憂, 後天下之樂而樂 (xian thian xia zhi you er you, hou tian xia zhi le er le). It means a good leader must have the heart to be the first to worry for all worries and the last to happy for all happiness. The priority must always be given to the welfare of others than own self. It is the determination to take everyone as own responsibility and ambition.

I saw a very interesting picture from one of the local press today and I think it is very relevant to nominating the right candidate as the leader of people.

Possesses the qualities of former presidents including:
(1) the vision of Tun Tan Cheng Lock
(2) the courage of Tun Lim Chong Eu
(3) the determination of Tan Sri Lee San Choon
(4) the intelligence of Tan Koon Swan
(5) the patience of Tun Dr Ling Liong Sik
(6) the dedication of Dato' Seri Ong Ka Ting

I think should also take in "wisdom" as well as "good moral" because a leader is someone who can be a role model for others look up to, respect and learn from.

It's Coming....

I have a birthday present from Tarot.com - a Traditional 11-cards Celtic Cross reading. And so I did the shuffling, and drawing of cards.

The spread goes like this:

The Joy

It is another point of ponder about death. Oh no, I think it is more about life-before-death. Or perhaps I shall rather say the life at final days.

This isn't a new movie. Just because HBO was playing this one last night so I decided to sit down to watch again. Yes, I've watched this before and I still think it has a big room for me to sit in to realize more about life.

I particularly like this one:

"You know, the ancient Egyptians had a beautiful belief about death. When their souls got
to the entrance to heaven, the guards asked them two questions and their answers determined
whether they were able to enter or not. 'Have you found joy in your life?' and 'Has your life
brought joy to others?' "

Most of us spent all our life going after many things thinking that owning what we longed for will bring us the true joy. And then we age to realize much of our time were spent running after things that satisfy our desire rather than bringing us the joy we look for.

There is no formula in finding joy. We cannot control anything, much more on the things we thought we own. This journey is suppose to be fun. And so it will be .

[quoted from the movie]
Dear Edward, I've gone back and forth the last few days trying to decide whether or not I should even write this. In the end, I realized I would regret it if I didn't, so here it goes. I know the last time we saw each other, we weren't exactly hitting the sweetest notes-certain wasn't the way I wanted the trip to end. I suppose I'm responsible and for that, I'm sorry. But in all honestly, if I had the chance, I'd do it again. Virginia said I left a stranger and came back a husband; I owe that to you. There's no way I can repay you for all you've done for me, so rather than try, I'm just going to ask you to do something else for me-find the joy in your life. You once said you're not everyone. Well, that's true-you're certainly not everyone, but everyone is everyone. My pastor always says our lives are streams flowing into the same river towards whatever heaven lies in the mist beyond the falls. Find the joy in your life, Edward. My dear friend, close your eyes and let the waters take you home.

Blogging with Handphone

The previous post was done via my SE W660i.

I didn't intent to do that on purpose. I was just missing Joie while he is in Malihom and I am here in the city. I carry his ring which he left at home with me and thought I could take a picture of it and send it to him.

And I did.

Sent the picture message and realized I could do blogging with my mobile phone and so I try.

So after a few verification steps done, VOILA I got it up and running on my blog!

Well, nothing much.

Just missing him while he's away.

And he sent me something in return (via picture message)...

"You so guai gu" he said. ^_^

Thinking of You

Tough Enough to Bring Out the Best in Us

Ever experienced tough time, especially during the school days where there's a particular teacher who's a nightmare because he/she demanded so much until you probably hate him/her?

I was watching Season 5 America's So You Think You Can Dance when Cat (the host) interviewed the top 4 contestants and Brandon (one of the four) talks about Mia Michaels (one of the choreographers) and he mentioned about this word "TOUGH LOVE".

Many people thinks these people who demand so much are jerks and they are nothing but a bunch of morons who love to give people difficult life as to see people in miserable. I met quite a few people who'd given me experiences bad enough to convince me that I am really not up to a qualified par to deserve anything. It was like taking all my esteem away and still standing in my way looking at me with the face, "c'mon show me what you've got," or something like, "I am not letting you pass me that easily".

And then I realized it is either being taken positively or negatively - to become a motivation or a defeat depending on how we perceive it.

Without these challenges we are living in our comfort zone following our own preferred way and can never be competitive in the real world. It is very much like "healthily in a healthy world" - healthy only because the world is free of sickness, not because of having the immunity against threat.

Throughout the journey of growth, especially under such pressure and demand, I see what polish could do. They bear such a image - what never kill you just make you stronger.

And believe me, surviving the hard time is our instinct.

Noticing the True Feelings

My best buddy said to me, "I am not a good blogger like you. I don't have much to write," when I asked what took her so long to update her blog. And then I thought to myself, "do I need to be a good blogger in order to blog as frequent as possible?" (stop nodding, don't think I can't see that)

Well, I don't want to make the judgment here but at least it takes the heart rather than the standard to blog. However I must admit there are basically at least 2 types of blogger: one blog for the sake of blogging and the other for the sake of learning.

To me, blogging is meant for seeking the truth and understanding of one's heart towards things and not showing how well one can write. I don't blog for any other reason but sharing my journey of realization. It could be wrong (I have never deem myself to be right) but what matter most is I confront every single piece of it.

I might not see the truth yet but I continue seeking; I might not know the reason yet but I never stop learning. Blogging them is a way of recording my progress. It is a proof of confession which I face myself without running away from it, whether good or bad.

And every time when I put my experience and the emotions that rises up in my heart into my blog I see myself making the markings of my life. It means much more than a diary that keeps only secrets to myself because it gives me the motivation to look closely at myself when I put my thoughts into words that is easily accessible by anybody. It also teaches me the lesson that I must always be honest to myself so that I can acknowledge the issue that requires my attention, which ultimately benefits me in the way of improving myself.

Feelings kept in heart are often too emotional and they can be rather vague and hard to be understood if they are not properly sorted out. By practicing writing them down we get to see more clearly how these feelings impact us and how we can effectively understand them so to take necessary actions.

Only by being aware of our true feelings and thoughts we can become better. After all it is a series of revealing the unresolved mysteries of life, don't you think?

picture captured by my little brother, Han

Really Ready to Say "YES"?

We often read the successful stories around the world seeing people inspiring millions of others. We often fascinated by the achievements these people have and forgot to pay attention to the journey they went through before reaching this admirable peak.

We envy people's success and said to ourselves we want to be as great as the person is, but do we really mean it too to absorb all the efforts needed for us to be there? Or we simply overwhelmed by the result but overlooked the process of getting there?

I have one writing about the inspiration I got from a movie "The Pursuit of Happyness" and I constantly write about the importance of the journey towards the destiny worth much more than the result itself.

And I believe, "there is a will there is a way."

Watch and think carefully: do you see the effort behind this? Are you ready to say YES to life?

Purity

Everyone is born a white paper. However, like every other piece of white paper, it is built with some other resources - wood, chemical, water etc, which all of those consist of other contents too.

So when we say everyone is born a white paper, it means only we are clean and pure before we get to fill the paper with things. It doesn't mean we are born with nothing.

Throughout the time we live we collected different experience along the way and start painting the paper with all sorts of things. And with all the richness we gather as we age, we realize somehow there are times we feel the need to have a sky in order for us to breath like once before.

So how do we go back to the old days when we were as pure as a piece of white paper? Apparently we cannot undo what we have done. But we can take ourselves on a tour of reversing our mind to relocate the very simple thing called "purity".

Give back your heart the peaceful place.

When you see and understand with a pure heart, you see the truth.

To See the Divinity In Another Person

It is always easy to point finger at problem. But how often do we see solution besides seeing "what's causing pain"?

Our brain is very interestingly designed in such a way that it chooses thing so differently. For example, our focus tend to have less trouble at finding "dark" than realizing the beauty of "light" - which works exactly the opposite way our eyes do. So it results in one big problem: difficult for us to get over the bad spot and reach at the good ground.

It is true. We tend to be able to precisely naming the things we don't have rather than to cherish what we do have. And so we complain. "You are not good enough; rich enough; fun enough; smart enough; tough enough etc. "

I heard from a friend of mine about her discovery from the conversation between herself and her client of tarot card reading, an ex-drug dealer. She then realized one thing: the life that this person who used to deal with something which is commonly known as a poison to life is just like Buddha once had - the extreme situations in life. And she realized too it isn't so much about what this person had done but how he's become.

Seeing the divinity in another person doesn't mean always find a good excuse for the bad things that one has done. It is rather how we allow ourselves to accept things the way they are, but not accusation and judgment.

Sometimes we tend to have problem with people and things. Instead of putting the blame on others just for the sake of victimize ourselves we ought to understand it takes more than the issue itself only to cause thing happen. What we need to do isn't finding excuses for ourselves but try to see things with a open heart.

Because one who doesn't see the divinity in others see no divinity in anything, not even in themselves.

A Clear Brain

Like so many others, I was approached by a friend who joined Network Marketing years ago. I set a purpose in my head: "let me pay the ticket to step into their fortress to see how they make network works for them". I honestly admit that I am not a network marketing person but I do not stop myself from exploring. All I am interested in is their tactic. So I paid the joining fee, participated the so called conference where people get to meet those "super successful" senior and listen to their almost-the-same story - how they got from nothing to everything they want. I saw all these people in the thousands of seat gazing at the speaker and get emotionally boosted by the very "simple steps" to become successful, as if he's all surrounded by God's light.

I wasn't as emotional as they were and I wasn't all distant either.

I can still clearly recall I said something to myself and also to Joie that night, "REMEMBER ALL THESE SCENES AND THE AIM HOW THEY MAKE PEOPLE BELIEVE IN THEM".

One thing that really stroked me that was "it is obvious that the techniques are only make believe and there are still thousands and thousands of people willingly got drawn into it". And then I start to relate the secrets of Network Marketing with the concepts and tactics I learned in my degree years - THE CHEMISTRY OF EMOTIONAL AND RATIONAL.

In other words, in order to be very successful I need to be emotionally convinced about my passion and believe in the business I do; and on the other hand I have to be rationally setting my mind in the pursuit of my dream and goal. It means I have to FEEL as intense as possible the feeling towards my business so that I get so emotionally attached until I can never shift a bit of myself from it; at the same time I must stay CLEAR at all times so that I can sensitively sense and smell anything or everything around my in order to ensure I react as effectively as needed to always stay in line towards my ultimate goal.

That is why I realize: only by having the heart and mind really working together is the true answer. Because without either one or having either one fall behind another will lead to unbalance. Too much of the head becomes stiff/wicked and one will lose his true self; too much of the heart only building the castle in the sky - which none of it will make it to the sweet fruit.

Doing Thing Right

I had my lunch a bit late today. While intending to allow myself to rest for a bit I switch on the TV and found this movie just started. It's called "SUPERNOVA", a year 2000 movie.

I find it very interesting when I notice this tiny piece of "message" came through as I decided to sit down and watch.

The medical spaceship receive a call from an 3 year-abandoned outer space mine. The captain cum pilot, after confirming the identification and careful considerations, has decided to make a dimension jump. While all crews must be safely sealed in a secured container, the captain cum pilot has without hesitance ordered everyone to take their position and taken the malfunction unit.

The ship however experienced some external impact and the programmed computer runs out of preset intelligence to handle such a situation. Without hesitance the co-pilot took the initiative to manage the critical situation but setting everything in manual mode although his colleague strong against that call. At last the co-pilot (who had become the pilot) successfully pulled the ship from crashing and managed to make other appropriate orders to engage the ship to be ready for further journey.

The one who sent them call, however, is actually the bad guy taking a disguise intending to make his way home to earth so that he could make a big fortune with the thing he got from the mine (after killing everyone). So he pretended and got on board then decided to kill everyone off when they are not tempted by the being rich proposal. The action has wasted 3 crew members (there were altogether 6) and only the co-pilot and the medical officer who had expel him from the ship and get killed by the mined material and made it through home.

There is a LEADER or CAPTAIN in everyone. It might not mean only leading others, but leading ourselves too. It is a quality that points out precisely and about what needs to be done at any given moment and doing it without hesitance . It is a quality that face obstacles and challenges not only with guts but also with the will to persevere to accomplish the task without fail. It is the core that writes the answer to all problems or thoughts.

It is the awareness of knowing exactly where does one stand.


p/s: James Spader who played the co-pilot was much more nice looking 9 years ago; and the bad guy was played by Peter Facinelli, one who acted the father of Robert Pattinson in the recent movie TWILIGHT.

My Way of Expression

Given a good timing to let myself sink in to clear away the thoughts that have been clouding me for some time. I am examining myself - in terms of expression and also my standing ground.

I had 3 months time at Lifeworks which I had a great time putting myself together to adjust myself from as many angles as possible. Then I realize quite a number of active thinking work pops up one after another wanting to see how I have worked through the days I had.

By once again involving myself in the business world is a very indescribable feeling. Very much because I can see the thinking part has comes alive and the heart found a ground which I never have realized before - a place where I find balance between demand and revise. I come to understand that heart knows by itself things sometimes need a very vivid image and firm grip, even it may seem a little difficult.

I recall the days when I had to really go into the deepest part of my heart to pour out every single feeling and thought in order to understand what and how things I have been through are becoming the best teacher in my life.

I know I am taught.

I have moved from standing on a high ground deeming to be the toughest to be taken down to putting myself here to accomplish my task by voicing only what my thoughts can contribute. I know I need to work hard on polishing my way of expression but at the same time I shall not take it as the reason/excuse for not doing my best to make the relevant points available.

It is ironic when seeing facts being wrapped in layers of avoidance. It is like acknowledging the truth but not doing anything about it.

Somehow I am still thinking: How to make positive balance with negative? Is it by discharging or infusing?

The Ultimate Drive

I guess this video says it all.

Teaching and Learning at the same time

Had a rather wonderful weekend last week - taught 2 workshops at 2 different schools. I've been to the 1st one for a few times. Some people find it rather surprising when they know I, one from drama background, did workshop with dance students. They asked, "how can drama relate with dance?" I smile while answering, "they are considered as performing arts; and it depends on how you put them."

Both uses body language and they are expressing some message over the acting.

Teaching allow me to learn at the same time. By maintaining this connection seeing how these young spirits inspire me while they learn from my teaching I get to see how the students react to my way of teaching and I also get to understand more about what they think when they respond.

It is a constant reminder telling me that learning and teaching goes hand in hand. What matter is how I teach and learn at the same time. It is a two way thing.

What's more interesting is I had a class of 13 on the first day and 49 on the following. I learn adaptation, flexibility and being responsive in different circumstances while making the delivery of my responsibility. And then I thought to myself: the cycle goes on and on because when one shares the knowledge one learn new things even from the students. How beautiful is that?

Life Review & Passion

I was enjoying my own company surrounded by tranquility and light shower. And then I have this feeling to listen to advice about the situation that I am going through now so I approach the ARCHANGELS for their words.

Not surprise that my question about the status now and towards the goal that we aim was answered very directly by Archangel Haniel and Archangel Jeremiel.

Message: Playing it safe can lead to staleness and depression. You've asked for more happiness and definite direction. I've lit the flame of passion in your heart to lead and guide you. It's safe for you to take risks and follow your heart's desire. Ask me to be your partner along your path of passion, to guide and nurture you. When you feel a strong knowingness, alongside a burning passion, pay attention as this is my way of giving you information about your next step.

WORKING WITH ARCHANGEL HANIEL: Haniel's name means "Glory of God". Haniel can help give you glory to God by living at your highest potential. She'll groom your hidden talents, and help you polish your skills. Then, when you apply your masterful ways to your true passions, Divine magic occurs!



Message: It takes courage to look at your life. Yet, if done with compassion and a sense of humor, you'll grow and learn from a life review. I'll help you take stock of where you've been. We'll look at what you've learned, and how these lessons are a valuable asset for today and tomorrow. We'll also notice life patterns that aren't serving your highest good and we'll take steps to release those patterns".

WORKING WITH ARCHANGEL JEREMIEL: One of Jeremiel's purposes is to help newly crossed-over souls review their lives. He also helps those who are living to make life reviews. Take time soon to be alone, and ask Jeremiel to help you review where you've been, what you've learned, what patterns you're ready to release, and what you're grateful for in your life.

Choices

We make choices. Ones we tend to spend a lot of our attention on, not mentioning whether we're happy or regret later. With every decision we make in choices, we have chosen a path. One that we never know what's waiting ahead. So, all we could do is to make the wisest turn. Whatever direction it is heading to there is no turning back.

And we stick to our choice by giving it our fullest effort not only honoring the decision we make but also to show determination in the life we choose.

I had a very close to heart conversation with my youngest brother last night as we went out for dinner. And the talk got me into deeper thinking.

Being clear and determinant is my promise, to myself and also to the ones who love me. I am liable and responsible for my own life and I ought to set it right if I want a right one.

IT IS THE SIZE OF ONE'S WILL WHICH DETERMINES SUCCESS

What is the Connection between Heart, Soul and Mind?

The writing meditation that taken place last Saturday has got me a room in myself to think deeper about the connection of these three elements. What I saw in different participants is very beautiful - the journey they gone through during the process of connecting all three together.

By seeing these different journeys I am being brought to a state where understanding slowly penetrates each and every scene then come back with fruitful results.

Turning inwards is crucial because it is when confrontation and admittance as well as recognition are playing their roles to it's fullest. It is rather obvious to see how one's eyes actually has become brighter by allowing the heart to sing the song and soul to adjust itself as well as mind to undergo reconfiguration.

What good does the process give? It's very much like sending the car for alignment and balancing. It doesn't seem as serious as engine breakdown but definitely will kill when got out of control.

Expectation

We set expectation, either from ourselves or others, a standard that we set in our heart waiting to be met. By presetting such expectation, we eventually get only 2 results: either feeling proud or disappointed.

I am sure no one's aim is to expect disappointment.

We all want achievement, the exciting and uplifting as well as rewarding one.

But come to think of it: is there any way to help us with greater chance to achieving that?

I'd say yes. And my answer is: it lies in the expectation we set.

Set the expectation to the degree where is a little beyond our present ability. Why not set a sky high one so that we can make a very big leap? Of course this is totally up to different people's aim.

I like to see gradual growth. It gives me a push for me to move out from my comfort zone yet still achievable in near future. It is very much like baby steps - progressing slowly.

Consistency is virtue.

It is always important to master how to walk before run, but must always maintain the pace in pursuing a better state so that one does not stay stagnant.

Attracts the force and opportunities that allows one to expand and grow by not losing one's true self. When expectation meets real potential and effort, they are like a beautiful song painting the sky with colors.

Expectation serves as a reminder, a monitor that keeps us going. Thus we must be sure: where and how we want to become.

It isn't only the result that matter, the journey too.

Past Life Regression

I went for a preview talk about how Past Life actually bring impact to the present one, and how she (Dr. Selina) helped people to get over the problems they have by regressing their past life (or lives).

I am one who believe in reincarnation, thus I believe the connection between lives. But there is one thing I am not too sure and so I posted the question to Dr. Selina, "how do we distinguish between a real past life image from our imagination?"

I mean we all know about "cause and effect" or "karma" in other words, but now that we are a living creature with this particular brain that's stuck to the neck of this physical body that absorbs millions and millions of information everyday how can we really see which is real or projected image?

And so she replied politely with a smile, "you'll know when you are in there (the hypnotised state)".

No offense but the feeling is very much when you're asked to ask that Gypsy Woman who claims can see one's future by looking into the crystal ball (whereas this is looking into the past instead) - unless I pay that money.

I wasn't challenging the idea because like I said I do believe in past life. Besides I have one question that I thought I could use PLR to help - I have a multi-nodular goiter in my neck which I've done all the relevant tests but found nothing wrong. So a friend used SRT to ask if it is due to my past life and the answer is positive. Another friend told me his mom got the same goiter, removed by they grow back again. So I thought I could seek PLR's help to unveil the reason so that I can resolve it and then remove the goiter by operation hoping to heal it once and for all.

But if Dr. Selina's answer stands, does it mean I should just do it without questioning for as long as it helps me with my problem? Or perhaps I should look into it carefully and think: how can it be more specific when it comes to explanation? After all, I am no blind believer.

Cassandra Chong, my ex-college mate, a renowned International Jazz singer

It's always great to see old friend, especially those from school days. But I must admit this meeting came in REAL late and I sincerely apologize for that.

It's about Cass, she's ex-APIITian with me in PF0032, back in 2000. I left the college one year later after completed my Diploma in Business with IT and I've never seen her ever since.

Approximately 3 months ago, I got a call from her and she told me that she's in town singing jazz at G Hotel. I got very excited to meet her but it felt weird because all the appointments never worked - whether she's not available or I was occupied.

2 days ago, I could not stand anymore. I called and said the first thing she picked up, "Cass, you gotta squeeze me some time. It's end of the month and you definitely is leaving very soon". She laughed (as always) in the phone and said, "ya, officially last night tonight and I just do another extra tomorrow then will leave on Sunday".

And so, we met, finally.

It is a kind of feeling where excitement blends so well with sentiment, especially the age part. We did not see each other for 8 years and it actually felt like a few short years ago only. But then the time that we did not see each other crawled back and filled the gap between then and now, and only by then we realize "WHOA!"

It was a sentimental morning, raining cats and dogs in a dramatic way - suddenly heavy and suddenly stop, then followed with another long shower. We brought her to different hawker foods and basically end up taking almost 2 hours for breakfast. What to do, Penang if the city of good food mah!!!!!

Had a great time catching up, mostly laughters and we missed Joanne as well as EeWei and Gurjeet (only to realize this morning that Gurjeet, who's been MIA for quite a while, popped up in my facebook to say hi. WOW! She's psychic or what?).

Anyway we sent her back to hotel at around 2 something as she needs to continue with her schedule. So here I am recording this very happy reunion, although very late (but better than never [and I almost hear Joanne doing that "boooo....., that's lame" wicked look at me when she's reading this]).

Definitely not having enough fun yet, but am very glad to see you Cass, after so many years! (Cass composes her own song and she has a very beautiful voice. Please drop by her website to check out yourself at http://www.wix.com/cassandrachong/music or read her up on NST online)

Doris & Cass

Joie, Doris, Cass

(can't believe it, cam whoring!!! That's why me and Joie look so unnatural)

Ready! Get Set.........................................................wait, let me fasten my seat belt, GO!!!!!

Entering the month of August indicating another milestone for me - let's write. I am putting all my previous works and efforts and time I've enjoyed in my writing world into a significant and productive action - teaching writing meditation.

You heard me right, I am teaching writing meditation.

Almost everything has its useful side. It's just a matter of how you bring that benefit out. So for those of you who really wish to see your heart, without saying anything to anyone, come join me with this journey.

Let's write!!

(Every Saturday 4pm, only at Lifeworks)

The Taking of Pelham 123

It is a remake of 1974's same name movie.

The Taking of Pelham 123, Year 1974

I didn't expect anything (once again it is proven that without expectation one gets more satisfaction in the end) although I have always liked Denzel and John.

To me watching them in the movie is a pleasure. I am always fascinated by the degree an actor into the role he/she plays. It doesn't matter what kind of role one is playing because most importantly is to give life to the character.

I like the movie, much because of the style, the shooting, and how the director deliver the metaphor.

There're a few lines and scenes that I really love. But most of all, I like how it show the emphasis on giving a sense of purpose on every life.

We often forget that we are each and every one of us common yet uniquely special. All we need to do is really look and listen, and find that place that this world need us to be.

What Matter Most?

I've been asking myself this question ever since the news that Yasmin Ahmad's decease. Perhaps I am hoping to get a little deeper into seeing my life rather life itself because somehow life differs, which I believe, when people treat it differently.

That day was a memorable day, not because she passed away but I so happen to experience another event that give me a great impact - seeing the view about life and country of a 55-year-old Contemporary Dance pioneer, Datin Marion D'Cruz. And both events just gave me a big big shock, which I can't simply let it flow away just like that.

In Marion's performance, she talked a lot about her younger years. There were more laughters than tears, and more thinking than watching. All through her journey she shared her opinion, with humour but it actually filled with thought provocative statements. And then I thought to myself: how do I see the one life that I have?

I find it very interesting because I found there is one thing in common that we matter: how can we really take what we have inside and show them to the world? We care about so many things and yet we feel helpless when we see things got deteriorated way before it has reach its full maturity.

"Cikgu, kita cubalah!" (note: "teacher, we try-lah"; Malaysian tend to use "lah" at the end of sentence, which has no proper meaning but to show how informal thing is)



Is this a positive or negative statement? Perhaps it depends on the tone when one is speaking this. But please tell me what will happen with constant Gostan-Forward (note: Gostan, moving backward in Malaysian-English) movement?

My eyes got tears when I laughed through her humourous way of showing her aches and concerns, and I heartiestly feeling the same as she did.

And when the news of Yasmin Ahmad came before my eye, I once again ask myself: what matter most if tomorrow never comes?

Yasmin Ahmad (July 1, 1958 - July 25, 2009)
(Please visit Yasmin's blog: The Storyteller and the new one The Storyteller, Part2)